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Can Men and Women be Just Friends?

by | Nov 14, 2023 | A-Ha Moments, All, Relationships, The Adventures of Dating

You’d think When Harry Met Sally would have already settled this question a quarter century ago, but you’d be wrong. The debate continues to come up again and again and has been a reoccurring question for most of my life. I have always gotten along better with men; I often have more in common with them and seem to naturally develop friendships with men just as easily as I do women. However, having male friendships comes with a certain set of reoccurring obstacles. Insecure girlfriends, people assume that if you hang around a lot of men you’re sleeping around, and are both parties of the friendship really only wanting friendship?

In my experience, most people don’t believe that men and women can just be friends. I disagree. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes it just doesn’t work, but hey the same can be said for female friendships. I am blessed with some amazing male friendships. Some are easier and some are more difficult, but regardless, I value those relationships tremendously and don’t want to believe that they can’t work.

So why can’t we figure this out? Why haven’t we definitively answered this question? Maybe it’s because for most of human history, men and women lived in homosocial worlds until they got married, meaning men only hung out with men and women only hung out with women. However, as the times have changed men and women have had to figure out how to have relationships with each other that weren’t romantic or sexual, and daily experience suggests that non-romantic friendships between males and females are not only possible, but common. Men and women live, work, and play side-by-side, and generally seem to be able to avoid spontaneously sleeping together. However, some may never believe this, and will always think that the possibility remains that this apparently platonic coexistence is merely a façade, an elaborate dance covering up countless sexual impulses bubbling just beneath the surface.

However, how much of these thoughts and feelings stem from personal experiences? I have been in countless relationships where infidelity was an issue, and if those men had a bunch of female friends, hell yeah, my gut instinct would be to have doubts. But those doubts would be coming from an unhealthy place.

However, at the end of the day, the bottom line is that no one person can give us all we need. It is so important in any successful relationship to maintain a true sense of autonomy, and this means having your own friends, even if they are of the opposite sex. Usually this is a non-issue. Women have girlfriends. Men have their buddies. It’s when the possibility of sexual attraction and a physical relationship exists,) that it can get messy. But if those friendships are clean, and purely platonic, and your partner refuses to accept this, then it will always be a debate and the question becomes, what are you willing to give up for someone else? And while I may not be able to answer most questions, I do know the answer to this. I’m not giving up shit. I spent two decades giving up everything for men who wanted me to be a certain way to accommodate their issues and I will NEVER again be that person for anyone. I am me; I am staying that way and I will always strive to live a life that is honest and true to myself and others, because the alternative seems a lot like selling your soul to the devil.

XOXO,
Allison Rose

Allison Rose

Founder at Filter Free Bullsh!t Free

Entrepreneurship is my addiction, Sharing my story and empowering others is my passion. My girl gang, my family and tequila shots fuel my soul & calm my head. I’m here to inspire and to be inspired.

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