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Dear Mr. Ghosts A-Lot

by | Nov 15, 2023 | My Dating Diaries, The Adventures of Dating

Dear Mr. Ghost’s A-Lot,

Well, I can cross “dating a ghost” off my bucket list.

I thought you were something wonderful. We had moments that seemed so genuine. I saw something in you that I thought I could trust. But you ended up being someone I couldn’t count on, someone that I can’t even call my friend.

Honestly, what happened? You told me exactly what I wanted to hear, tricked me into letting my guard down, and then ghosted me with zero explanation. I’d understand the lack of response if we’d only seen each other once or twice, but we spent considerable time together, shared secrets, and allowed ourselves to be true and vulnerable in each other’s presence. No text, no call, no email, nothing? What happened to the time we spent? Did you just forget about it?

What is going on in your life that makes a simple text so difficult? Are you scared? Fear a blazing conflict? I once read that ghosters have reported “being confused with their feelings” and needing time to work things out. Why not just tell me, “I need some time to work this out”? Tell me you’re gay or moving to Yemen for work. (IYKYK) Tell me anything.

Or did you never consider me relationship-worthy? Did you just take the backdoor solution because you’re not man enough to be honest in the fact that you were no longer interested? Was this a way for you to avoid accountability while hoping I would just get the hint? Ghosting may have been your attempt to avoid being the villain, but the act only made you more cowardly.

Simply put, ghosting is rude and, quite frankly, weak. Intentionally ignoring a person without an explanation is one of the most passive-aggressive forms of human behavior. You owe me the courtesy to let me know, with your words, why you want to cut it off, even if doing so makes you the bad guy for a second.

However, instead of putting on your big boy pants, you left me feeling confused and hurt. You left me with insecurity where there should have been an answer. You might consider adding “ghosting” as one of your hobbies on your Tinder profile.

I don’t know why you left, and I probably never will. I don’t know when or if I’ll ever see you again. But you should know, when you disappeared, it made me question everything about myself. What did I do wrong? Did I offend you? Was it something I said? Was it my appearance? Did I require too much of you? Did I hold you accountable for your actions? Was I pushy, needy, or too much of a distraction? But most of all, it makes me revisit my scars from previous relationships.

Especially, after telling you my deepest insecurities. I opened my deepest parts without any pause for consequence. I laid out my feelings without any expectations. When you told me how you felt, I swear something came alive I thought for sure was dead. After so much pain, you were the rainbow after the storm. I don’t know what happened exactly. I’m not sure how things started or why it stopped. I don’t even know why it bothered me that whatever it was – ended. However, I want to say thank you. Thank you for coming across as something I thought I always wanted – someone I always wanted. Thank you for treating me with respect. Thank you for caring about me when I needed someone to vent to. Thank you for opening my eyes to the possibility that someone like you exists.

Even though it was all a lie.

Sure, I’m starting to become more resilient to this kind of behavior, but it sucks to be rejected. It’s awkward, lonely, sad, and temporarily defeating. Ghosting hurts because there’s no sense of closure. Most relationships end with a painful moral lesson — a blessing in disguise — but when you leave someone hanging without closure, then there is no life lesson. There is no closure.

But as time has passed, I have circled back to reality and realized it’s not me. It’s you. Eventually, you’ll come back around. They all do. You see, literally every single guy who has ghosted me has come back around.

But I won’t pick up the phone when you realize you fucked up. You’re no longer going to be able to watch my Instagram Stories or keep tabs on me. I’ve disconnected all the ways you could possibly check in on me. I have deleted you from my life.  Out of sight, out of mind.

So, while you did not extend the same courtesy, I’ll leave you with this: It’s a pity we didn’t work out, but I find comfort in knowing that karma works in mysterious ways.

My heart has since mended and I’m on to bigger and better things. Maybe one day you’ll have the courage to speak to me, but if not, I know I’ll be ok.

So, this is my goodbye to the ghost I thought I knew.

I wish you the best in your future dating pursuits! Hopefully you’re a little less ghostly to the next person.

Allison Rose

Allison Rose

Founder at Filter Free Bullsh!t Free

Entrepreneurship is my addiction, Sharing my story and empowering others is my passion. My girl gang, my family and tequila shots fuel my soul & calm my head. I’m here to inspire and to be inspired.

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