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Dear Mr. NOT So High-Value

by | Mar 5, 2024 | Uncategorized

Dear Mr. NOT So High-Value

After what I can safely say was one of my worst dating experiences thus far, I have chosen not to dwell on it. Instead, I would like to give Mr. NOT so High-Value some words of advice. Mostly because I hope to spare other women from the emotional vampire I was introduced to on date one. Yes, I said vampire. 

Let’s start here, an actual high value man does not have to announce he is high value. He displays value through his actions. In other shocking news, to be ‘high value,’ you have to contribute actual value to a woman’s life. 

There is not enough time or words to explain the depth of red flags you exude.

At first glance, women will wonder why you’re single. But they will figure it out real quick. 

Leading up to our first date, although I had my reservations; you had your charming moments, and checked a lot of my boxes. 

However, your excessive love-bombing that you rationalize as knowing what you want and going after it, is really just love-bombing at its finest. You like to use words like fate, destiny, synergy, real connection, magic etc. Blah, blah, blah. Sounding like a romance novel might get you in the front door, but smart women will quickly slam that door in your face once they meet the real you. 

You see, you’re the worst kind of man. You make grandiose promises, you try to make women feel special, and you can be very convincing in your pursuit. But you are none of the things that you present yourself as. 

I will say, you pull out all the stops on a first date. But here’s the thing, trying to impress a woman by flaunting money (that you may or may not have) will only work on a woman who cannot get these things for herself, or cannot see what’s behind the curtain. That “fancy” dinner you treated me to, was the equivalent of my Tuesday lunch spot. That doesn’t impress me much. The quality of the company is what truly matters, and trying to cover up your red flags with an extravagant date is a mediocre attempt to court a woman. And much to your dismay,  taking a woman to dinner and drinks doesn’t entitle you to spend the night with her. (Yes, I’m sure) 

I think it took about 15 minutes for me to see who I was really having dinner with. I should have gone to the bathroom and never come back. 

Since you seem to be completely unaware of your terrible character flaws, endless red flags, and think verbal/emotional abuse makes you an alpha male, I have created a cheat sheet for you in hopes that you might join the rest of us over here in reality. I will try to use small words, since your text communications made it clear that you don’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re”. 

🚩Talking about yourself  for the majority of the date is about as entertaining as watching paint dry. Sure, you asked me a few questions here and there…but not once was I able to finish a sentence or complete a thought before you were interrupting me. You have no genuine interest in getting to know a woman. You’re far more interested in making sure you tell them all about what a catch you are. My advice? At least pretend to care. The less you talk, the better, because you became 1000 times less attractive to me the minute you opened your mouth. 

🚩Having four cocktails to my one at dinner, while telling me that your marriage imploded due to your excessive alcohol consumption makes you look like an idiot. Did you think I would actually believe you when you said your drinking isn’t a problem anymore? Either you’re stupid, or you think I am. (Notice how I used the word “you’re” there? (Try to keep up)  

🚩A good dad huh?  That’s interesting, because after all the cocktails you got sloppy and told me all about the broken system and corrupt judge who doesn’t think you should be allowed to see your kids. I’m guessing he has a point. 

🚩After cocktail number 6 or 7, (hard to keep track when you’re ordering doubles) do you remember alluding to physical violence having been an issue in your marriage? I think that was supposed to be a secret. (Hence the judges concerns) 

🚩You’ve been working on yourself have you? Can I get the number for your therapist so I know where to not refer people? Thanks, bye. 

🚩Multiple homes, successful business, piles of money?….after cocktail 9, I am pretty sure you used the word apartment, and your pants look like you bought them at Walmart. My gut tells me that you’re not as successful or well off as you presented. Maybe you forgot that these details were also supposed to be a secret.  (Ya know, after all the cocktails) 

🚩Remember that time leading up to our date where you told me that you had barely dated in three years and were only talking to me? Well after two back to back  shots, that sloppy thing kicked in again and you let out another secret. I am envious of the woman that you canceled a date with to take me out. She got off easy. 

🚩Don’t worry, you only called me the wrong name twice. Being blacked out is hard. It’s fine. 

🚩You know that thing you kept doing  when you were ready to leave and move to a different destination? You know, where you rudely stood up and stared at me to leave even though I hadn’t yet  finished my food or drink…women love that. You should definitely keep doing that.

🚩Women also love it when you blatantly check out/talk to other women while on a date with them. I was kind of hoping that the blonde who caught your attention had been more impressed with your near blacked out stage. However, she gave me a perfect window to make my escape. I owe that woman a cocktail. (If there is any left after you drank everything) 

🚩I admire how you kept drinking, and how you persevered in your attempts to get me to do the same. Congrats on not being a quitter. At least you have that going for you. 

🚩Describing yourself as a “bull in a china shop”, and sharing that you have to meditate to stay in your zen place sounds safe. You seem like a really stable human. Your underlying rage was great for my stress and anxiety levels, and who doesn’t need an abundance of that in their life?

🚩I’m sorry I didn’t want to stay the night with you. Clearly, the rage you experienced and how you handled that is entirely my fault. The texts you sent me (once you noticed I was gone) are totally justified. All good men call women fat and other vulgar names if the woman deserves it. Or at least that’s how you explained it to me. 

🚩6ft? C’mon, get real.  Not even with lifts. 

When I reflect on our short and traumatizing time together, one word keeps coming to mind.  PSYCHO. Your tactics almost convinced me otherwise, so thank you for getting shit faced and revealing your true self on date one. I am blessed that you couldn’t even wear your mask for 24 hours, and I didn’t end up having the pleasure of spending the next 4-6 months with you before the other shoe dropped.  I can’t give you too much credit though. Pretty hard to keep pure evil hidden in a poorly wrapped box. 

Last but not least, thank you for so graciously calling me fat amidst a slew of other verbally abusive text messages. It reminded me that I should lose weight….no wait, that’s not what it reminded me to do. I’m fabulous. It actually reminded me that you’re a weak and insecure man who gets off on trying to emotionally damage women when you don’t get your way. It also reminded me that I’m not attracted to ugly souls, alcoholics, or beer bellies. 

Cheers to never having to see you again.  (Makes ya wanna have a drink doesn’t it?) 

Allison Rose 

Allison Rose

Founder at Filter Free Bullsh!t Free

Entrepreneurship is my addiction, Sharing my story and empowering others is my passion. My girl gang, my family and tequila shots fuel my soul & calm my head. I’m here to inspire and to be inspired.

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