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First of all, I want to make it clear that there are a lot of really badass Dad’s out there. I know many, and have the utmost respect for all the men who are consistent, loving, and selfless fathers. That being said, I think it’s important to talk about the flip side…and share my parenting  experiences.

Most assume that because I don’t have children of my own, that my parenting experience is limited. Most write off the fact that I have been raising two girls for the last decade, because they aren’t my children. Well let me tell you what a bunch of bullshit that is.

A good stepmom is not made, she’s built. She is built by the hardships of her role, the tears she cries in secret and by the lessons she learns through trial and error. She makes mistakes. She has strong opinions that she often can’t express. She remains quiet when she wants to scream. She makes sacrifices others may not be capable of. She learns how to love in many different ways. And she gives. She gives freely without guarantee of a forever relationship. She gives her heart, her soul and her life to making sure a child she didn’t give birth to smiles, has wonderful memories, and most importantly….feels loved.

So for all those, who find it weird or inappropriate that I have maintained a relationship with my girls outside of my ex, I don’t need your small minded opinions. Because DNA doesn’t make you a parent. Consistency, stability, unconditional love and selflessness are what make a parent…and I’m proud to say that I’m able to co-parent with the girls mom. It takes two strong women to make that work.

And while I may not have this whole parenting thing figured out, (who really does) and my situation is not a traditional one…..I know damn well what doesn’t make a parent.

Choosing alcohol over your children, doesn’t make you a parent.

Acting selfishly when making decisions that affect your children, doesn’t make you a parent.

Prioritizing your own needs over your children’s on a regular basis, doesn’t make you a parent.

Threatening to sign your rights away when you don’t get your way, doesn’t make you a parent.

Not having a stable home for your children, doesn’t make you a parent.

Writing a check, doesn’t make you a parent.

Showing up at school functions uninvited without a care in the world for how that makes your children feel, doesn’t make you a parent.

Posting pictures to give off false impressions about your involvement in your children’s lives, doesn’t make you a parent.

Showing up when it’s convenient for you, doesn’t make you a parent.

Refusing to deal with the hard moments and not allowing your children to have feelings, doesn’t make you a parent.

Thinking you’re entitled to a relationship, just because you’re their “Dad” doesn’t make you a parent.

Relationships are earned, not given, and they should be respected, appreciated and nurtured every single day. Children need parents that are an anchor and help stabilize their youth as they are pulled in every direction. For almost a decade, when the girls were here, I provided them with a stable home, I cooked their meals, planned extravagant birthday parties, made sure they had clothes, knew their favorite color, what boy they liked, and empowered them to feel beautiful and capable of big things. I was the present parent, I was the consistent parent and I was the one who ALWAYS put them first. And that hasn’t changed, and it never will.

So for those who question my role as a parent, maybe you should take a peek below the surface, ignore the smoke and mirrors and show me some respect for being the kind of woman who embraced and welcomed 2 & 3 year old children into her life and home……and then held on for dear life to a toxic and abusive relationship for far too long, in order to ensure their well-being. Because that my friends, is fucking parenting

Allison Rose

Allison Rose

Founder at Filter Free Bullsh!t Free

Entrepreneurship is my addiction, Sharing my story and empowering others is my passion. My girl gang, my family and tequila shots fuel my soul & calm my head. I’m here to inspire and to be inspired.

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